Ride to the Bridge

After my last post, where I was feeling decidedly un-epic.  I figured that I'd forget about any concerns I had for sharp stabby pains in my knee and head out on a longer than normal ride.

I keep having to remind myself that what's long to me is not long to many.  My twitter feed is filled with people talking about rides of 4, 5 or longer hours.  But whatever. 

And so, with the curiosity of a slightly more long legged Bilbo Baggins I decided that I would explore the edge of my known universe.  Around here my Mordor is known as Hamilton, and it's filled with about as many orcs as well as tall monstrosities spewing smoke.

The day was beautiful, relatively for this time of year, and I basically had a free pass for 4 hours away from the house and kids so off I went.  2 bottles of refreshing "Refresh", $20, and my phone.

I pedaled, I only asked for directions once.  And I arrived at my destination.  The Burlington Bridge that leads to Hamilton. Or else I really did get lost.

(I really need to shave before long rides, and lose another 10 pounds before next riding season.  Or take 10 pounds off my face and turn it into muscle in the legs.)

Satisfied with my accomplishment, and with about 45 km under my wheels I turned around to head back.  I figured that the orcs would get me soon enough if I hung around too long and off I went.

The ride home was somewhat more eventful.

First, I stopped and got a friggin' ginormous butter tart, in order to undo the calories I expended getting here.  And I got a double espresso to go.  I figured that this was the pro move as I had no other cyclists to sit around with and look cool with.

It turned out to be very pro indeed, as I passed not one but two cyclists heading the other way and gave them a nonchalant nod and cheers with the coffee cup.  The wind at my back totally helped.  And, you'll be happy to note, that cup made it's way safely into a recycling container, just for the record.

I was fairly pleased with my pace on the way back despite the knee.  I'm pretty sure the butter tart staved off bonking, and the caffeine didn't hurt either.

I was cruising along, within about 20 minutes or so of home, when some mid '80s Buick decided to pass to closely to me.  I then managed to run over the only sewer grate in all of Toronto that has a gap, around 25 mm wide, running along the road.  And, I managed to hit it head on.  I got my front wheel over it but I felt the rear end sink down what felt like 10 feet, but was more like 3 inches. 

The flat was predictable.  So I was less annoyed than I thought I would be, not having had a flat on the side of the road before.  Yes I know, it's hard to believe.

Luckily for me, I had a spare tube.  And lucky for me that tube had a super short valve on it that I could barely get a purchase on to pump up. And lucky for me that I am incompetent at changing tubes apparently, and that tube was flat the instant I put it on.  

"Ah ha!" you say. "There's more luck in store!" And you'd be right.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, I was about 300 meters from Gears. The Port Credit/Mississauga Bike Shoppe.

I had $10 going in. I had $0 going out and I still owe them $10 for their services.  I wonder what would have happened if I had just told them I'd change the flat myself, but I figured that doing that would be like walking into a dentists office with a loose tooth and asking him for his pliers to extract it.

So off I went.  Swearing to buy better tubes and to be less bad at changing them.

I managed to get cut off by cars diving for parking spots in the next couple kilometers, swerving around them, but still in my own lane, to avoid them.  Why is this important?  This happens all the time along Lakeshore.  After all the bike lane is considered by many to simply be an Onramp/Offramp/Extra Parking spot.

About 100 meters after my second avoidance of a bumper some old dude in a brown, busted up, wood paneled, station wagon, pulled up along side and started yelling about, "something something you're going to kill someone."

Now I couldn't exactly hear him. He might have been saying "You're going to thrill someone", or "you're going to bill someone" but those are probably unlikely.

And, it's possible the someone he was talking about was me, and he was predicting my own demise but I think he was really angry. 

I should have told him that he should put on his seat belt but instead I just flipped him the bird.  It felt very satisfying and despite his prediction, I did not kill anyone.

Yeah, it was a bad thing to do. But I really don't like those brown station wagons.

Comments

[Craig]

Wow. So the ride was unpleasant, but at least the butter tart and espresso were good!

[T]

If I ever develop a terminal disease:

I am going to start carrying a personal EMP device. So if a driver cut me off, yelled at me or looked the wrong way at me, I would fry the electronics in his car.

The sort of damage that an EMP device would have on my body is the reason I would refrain from packing this sort of heat until my life was pretty much over.