These past few days I've come across a few situations where some people I know, have said odd or demotivating things. And, I've heard some stories from people who are getting into fitness who could use better support.
As someone who considers himself still "getting back into it", but has survived the critical first year, here are some of the tips I'd give to those people who surround people trying to get fit.
Encourage
A friend of mine, who is just starting running, from ground zero, has been doing some other activities, bootcamp and such. She recently had a friend say, essentially, "Why run, you're doing so much already."
This type of comment seems fairly common to me. "You are already in great shape." It might seem like a nice thing to say, but we clearly don't feel that the status quo is where we want to be.
We want people to say "Yes. Go for it"
Remove Obstacles
The big hurdle however, isn't getting enough encouragement. There will always be some.
The best thing that people can do for a burgeoning athlete is to help them make time and clear out those things that are getting in the way. It's mainly psychological, but the removal of excuses is critical.
When I started getting back into shape I literally tried planning my schedule for 6 months trying to fit in when I would regularly go for a run. It was only when my wife agreed to do bath time with the kids, my traditional job, that it finally clicked. She didn't like the job, but I got an hour each day that I was free and clear and had no reason not to train.
I also told my co-workers that I would not be available over lunch. I'd be at the gym. They saved their questions and issues for when I got back.
After about 6 months, once I was in a routine, I started doing bath time quite a lot, and worked over lunch when needed. But by that time, I was finding ways to gain time in other areas. Training had become a habit.
Don't over Praise
Very few people will be critical when you're trying to get in shape, but many will go overboard with the kudos. And sometimes it can be demotivating.
Telling your spouse that they are amazing, awesome, and an inspiration, when they're barely keeping up in their Pilates class can make them feel like they're not cut out for it. Or perhaps they can just skip that next class, and then it's all downhill from there.
So praise us. But tone it down a bit. We'll appreciate it.
Understand their Goals
The important thing about praise is that if you understand the goals of your training friend, you'll know when to pat on the back, and when to give a bit of a push.
So ask. We'd love to tell you what we want to accomplish.
Participate
Sometimes it can be lonely getting out there to go running, cycling, etc. If you're like me and have few friends then you'll appreciate, greatly, having someone out there with you once in a while.
A group of friends can motivate each other to achieve great things, even if that is a group of two people. So, if you can, join your spouse or friend for their first class, first run, or first dip in the pool.
Be Careful About Advice
Everyone is an expert. Or they have an opinion. I know I have several on any particular random topic.
If you're supporting a new athlete, encourage them to seek out sources of knowledge for their chosen sport. Get them a book, or a consultation from a coach. Trying to pass on knowledge gained from your experience running track in grade 8, 30 years ago, might just be misleading. A lot of things have changed in training methods over the years.
So don't start whipping out the advice, and if you do, don't act put out if your athlete decides not to take it. It just may not be right for them, and they need a second opinion.
Don't be Tempting
The final thing I find frustrating is people who like to play a little game I like to call "Being Evil"
Would you like an extra piece of cake? Oh, you're not eating anything, don't you like it? Here's a big bowl of Doritos just for you.
I have very little will power when it comes to food. I'm terrible. I need to shop smart because if food enters the house, I devour it. If there's a buffet, I eat till I win. And there is no finish line.
My in-laws are notorious for this. Huge spreads of yummy, and sometimes not healthy, food. It's a huge effort not to gain holiday weight.
There's also the "You don't need to workout today, you deserve a break" co-worker. Please don't be that person.
So, if you're supporting someone who is trying to get into shape, think about these things. And if you're trying to get back into it, some subtle suggestions to your friends on how they can help just might help you.
